Weekend Fun 45: Life is Like a Bikini, It is Brief

I posted this joke in my fb wall last Friday...

Life is like a bikini, it is brief.
Statistics are like bikini. What they reveal is interesting but what they conceal is vital. 

Lots of likes and funny remarks from many friends, except for one feminist who insisted that the underwear should refer always to both men and women. Maybe a case of gender militance or whatever.

Many friends liking it, I simply added other jokes that I can remember. Below, nice and cool watermelon art.

Bahasa Malaysia is the official language of Malaysia.
Bahasa Pilipinas is what happens after heavy rains. -- from Raffy Aquino

Q: Why do Economists provide estimates of inflation to the nearest tenth of a percent?
A: To prove they have a good sense of humor.

Q:Why do economic forecasters exist?
A: To make weather forecasters look good.

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

Loudness of thunder after lightning tells you how close you came to get hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

Democracy is like a fish market - it is smelly but everyone likes to go there to haggle. – from Donaldson Tan

Newton's 1st law of motion: An object at rest (or in motion) will remain at rest (in motion) unless an external force is applied on it.
Revision of the 1st law: An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

Newton's 2nd law of motion: The acceleration of a body is directly proportional to and in the same direction as the force applied to it, and inversely proportional to its mass.
Revision of the 2nd law: The acceleration of a wrong thing goes hand in hand with the weight of the person pushing it.

Newton's 3rd law of motion: For every action, there is an equal opposite reaction.
Revision to the 3rd law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

(1) An earthworm has 5 hearts. An octopus has 3. A human has only 1. Kaya pag nagmahal ka ng higit sa isa, i-Wikipedia mo na kung anong hayop ka!

(2) Prof: Prove to me that this table does not exist.
Student: What table sir? (Prof and whole class: Nganga!)
Prof: OK, Uno. – both from Dennis Arroyo

Q: Paano malaman kung ang earthworm ay lalaki or babae?
A: Pag kinain ng lalaking kalapati/pigeon ang earthworm, babae yon.

Q: Paano malaman kung lalaki or babae ang pigeon?
A: Sa sound. Kung lalaki, "Paturoook! Paturoook!" Kung babae, "Turoook mooo!"

Q: Ano sa tagalog ang women?
A: Kaming mga lalaki, we men.

If a male judge makes sex, it's called Honorable Discharge.
If a Congressman makes sex, it's called Congressional Insertion.

Chinese feng shui:
If MIRROR at stairs, swerte at grasya akyat.
If MIRROR at door, swerte at grasya pasok.
If MIRROR at ceiling, ikaw swerte, sa loob ka ng MOTEL.

Man: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na akong na-holdup ngayong taon, ah!
Holdaper: Ganu'n talaga brod. Inaalagaan ang good customer!

Bisaya: Hulaan mo alaga kong hayop nagsimula sa liter I.
Alog: Isda? Bisaya: Dili man!
Alog: Ibon? Bisaya: Lapit na.
Alog: Ano nga, siret na! Bisaya: IGOL.

Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto nyo, magpalibing o magpa-cremate?
Ama: Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise mo na lang ako.

Large signboard says: "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."
Nakita ng lasenggo... "So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? "?

 Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya--3RD PARTY
Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas--13TH MONTH PAY
Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot- PREGNANCY TEST
Hindi lahat ng positive ikina-sasaya- -HIV POSITIVE.

Panibagong sagot sa tanong na: "'musta lovelife?"
"Eto self supporting." 

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Q: Define ignorance and apathy.
A: I don't know and I don't care.

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See also:
Weekend Fun 41: Nancy Binay, Grace Poe, Other Politicians, May 25, 2013 
Weekend Fun 42: Danny Purple, UP Diliman Character in the 70s, June 08, 2013 
Weekend Fun 43: Tales from Narra Dorm, UP Diliman, June 22, 2013 
Weekend Fun 44: Cow Economics, June 22, 2013