Iboto mga TUTA at GAGO sa Senado!
2. Girl: Lahat ng mga politiko, magnanakaw!
Man: Ang sakit mo naman magsalita!
Girl: bakit, politiko ka ba?
Man: Hindi, magnanakaw!
3. Q: Ano difference ng snatcher sa politiko?
A: ang snatcher, magnanakaw muna tapos tatakbo;
ang politiko, tatakbo muna tapos magnanakaw.
After the 2010 elections:
4. Reporter to Erap: Kayo na lang po ang di pa nagco-concede. Bakit po ayaw nyong mag concede kay Noynoy?
Erap: Ba't ako magcoconcede? E, nong bomoto ako, sabi ng PCOS machine, "Congratulations!"
5. Erap: "I refuse to conceive."
6. Erap: I will not conceive. Muli kong pinatunayan na hindi pa ako natatalo sa anumang elections. Even if I place second to Sen. Bong, balik naman ako sa Senate.
7. Erap: Where is Jinggoy? Pag nakita nyo, tell him that I will advise him to be a gentleman and to conceive na. He can again run for President sa 2016. Bata pa naman sya.
8. Erap writing in a slum book...
Favorite actor: ARNOLD SCHWARZ... (erase)
ARNOLD SHWARSEN... (erase)
SWHARZIN... (erase)
ZWARZEN... (erase)
ARNOLD CLAVIO!
9. Dati, ang tawag sa taong walang-hiya -- MAKAPAL; or KUPAL
Tapos mas matapang ang term -- GARAPAL
Ngayon iba na ang tawag -- MACAPAGAL
10. Today, wear BLUE if you are for GMA.
wear RED if you're for Erap.
wear YELLOW if you're for Cory.
wear WHITE if you're for Ramos.
wear PINK if you're for RUSTOM, TRUTH AND FREEDOM!
11. BAYAAN MO NA Party list will produce a reality show. GMA, VP Noli, 20 senators and 200 congressmen ay ikukulong sa Batasan for 100 days: no visitors, no cellphones, no media.
ang magiging title ng palabas ay PINOY BIG PROBLEM!
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One more political joke:
A dying Maoist NPA fighter seriously wounded in a battle with the soldiers, he wanted to see and kiss a picture of Mao Tse Tung and Vladimir Lenin before he dies. No pictures of both men as their hideout were in a mess after the military attack. But they had one female comrade, so Maoist and Leninist that she had the pictures of both guys tatooed in her 2 legs!
The colleagues were able to persuade the amazon to show her thighs to her dying comrade, allowed him to kiss both tatoos... suddenly the lady shouted, "Ekkkhh! Karl Marx not included!"
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* Light jokes:
1. Q: Ano ang nauna, tsinelas o slippers?
A: eh di slippers. Bakit?
kasi sliFIRST, tapos, tsineLAST.
2. Differences among STRESS, TENSION, PANIC, and FREAK-OUT?
A: Stress -- if the wife is pregnant.
Tension -- if the gf is pregnant.
Panic -- if both are pregnant!
Freak out -- if the 2 plus the maid are pregnant!!!
3. Wife: maghiwalay na tayo!
Husband: Sige, hiwalay tayo! sa akin ang farm!
W: sa akin ang bahay!
H: sa akin ang kotse!
W: sa akin ang driver! mtagal na kami!
H: pwes, magpatayan na tayo, dahil akin syaaaa!!!
4. Lola: Pulis, ikulong nyo mr. ko, lagi nya akong dino-dog style!
Pulis: Lola, wala namang illegal dyan.
Lola: Sige, ikaw nga singhot-singhotan, tapos iihian ng nakataas ang isang paa!
5. 2 senior citizens at the church:
Husband: Hon, nakakahiya... napautot ako pero walang ingay. Naamoy mo ba?
Wife: Hindi, pero dapat palitan mo na baterya ng hearing aid mo!
6. Learn English:
nagbebenta ng isda -- SELFISH
palayain ang pusa -- PREDICATE
lahat sa kanan -- ALRIGHT
babaeng sa ilalaim nakatayo -- MISUNDERSTANDING
matagal nang bulag -- LONG TIME NO SEE
7. Nanay: anak, ano itong zero sa test paper mo?
Anak: nay, di po yan zero. naubusan kasi ng star teacher ko, kaya binigyan nya
ako ng moon.
8. Priest: Hinabol ako ng magandang babaeng hubad. Ginawa ko, dinamitan ko
agad! Kayo Bishop, ano gagawin nyo?
Bishop: Tulad mo, magsisinungaling din ako!
9. Beggar: boss, palimos po.
Boss: Iinom ka o magsusugal?
beggar: wala po akong bisyo.
Boss: sige, sama ka sa akin sa bahay para malaman ng nanay at mrs. ko ang nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo!
10. Kumatok ang 1 ahente. Pagbukas ni mrs. ng pinto, agad pumasok ang ahente at ikinalat sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo.
Ahente: Ma'm, pag hindi nalinis ng Vacuum cleaner ko sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo, kakainin ko ang mga yan.
Mrs. ay teribleng bata! umpisahan mo na pagkain nyan at BROWN-OUT kami ngayon!
11. Headline bukas, ngayon ang broadcast:
* Tahanang walang hagdan -- inakyat!
* Bakla, sumali sa away -- napasubo!
* Bagong tuli, nagyabang -- lumaki ang ulo!
* Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!
* Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang paningin!
* Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng leksyon!
* Tindera ng suka -- tinoyo!
* Basurero nagsampa ng kaso -- binasura!
* Tubero -- nagkatulo!
* Mrs. ng photographer -- nakunan!
12. Pagdating sa kainan, ILONGO and weird.
Pag sila alok kain, sasabihin, "Kaon ta anay"
pag pinilit ka kumain, "Kaon ta bala"
pag pumayag ka kumain, "cge, kaon ta e"
pag pakainin ka ulit, "kaon kagid ha"
13. Ang tunay na kagandahan ay di nakikita sa pisikal na anyo ng isang tao kundi sa puso.
Yan! Yan...
Yan ang motto ng mga pangit!
Buti na lang ang sa atin eh, Handsomeness is contagious!
14. Anak: tay, may kamag-anak ba tayong mahirap?
Tatay: Meron, pero di ko kilala.
Anak: eh mayaman?
Tatay: Meron, pero di tayo kilala.
15. Money is relative.
More money, more relatives.
16. A Filipino went to the US, his American host showed all his gadgets commanded by remote control. After his return to PH, the American friend also came. Coming home from the airport, he honked his car horn and the gate was opened by his houseboy. Inside, he clapped his hands and shouted coffee. The maid then brought in barako. The American was impressed. The Pinoy said, "You have remote control, I have voice control."
17. American boy: You know the Pacific Ocean? Our great great grandfathers dug it.
Jordan boy: You know the Dead Sea? Our great great grandfathers killed it.
18. American boy: in America, we have dog clinic, dog hospital, dog cemetery.
Pinoy boy: do you have dog restaurant?
Am boy: No, because we love dogs.
Pinoy boy: We eat dog.
Am boy: but we eat hotdog.
Pinoy boy: No, we do not eat that part.
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See also:
Weekend fun 10: Gadhafi fashion, February 19, 2011
Weekend fun 11: More Gadhafi fashion, February 25, 2011
Weekend fun 12: Marcos corruption, February 25, 2011
Weekend fun 13: Economics of stimulus package, March 05, 2011
Weekend fun 14: Ghadafi's women bodyguards, March 05, 2011
Weekend fun 15: Political jokes, March 12, 2011
Weekend fun 16: Gaddafi cartoons, March 19, 2011
Weekend fun 17: Political jokes, May 15, 2011
Weekend fun 18. Gloria Arroyo cartoons, June 11, 2011
Weekend fun 19: Sic o Clock News, June 19, 2011
Weekend fun 20: Taga-UP Diliman ka Kung..., August 20, 2011
Weekend fun 21: Humor in global financial turmoil, August 21, 2011
Weekend fun 22: Functions and equations, September 17, 2011
Weekend fun 23: Economists joke, September 24, 2011
Weekend Fun 24: Water and the Professionals, December 17, 2011
Weekend Fun 25: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Arroyo, January 08, 2012
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