Saturday, March 12, 2011

Weekend fun 15: Political jokes

1. Sign at the back of a septic tank truck:
CAUTION: this truck is full of political promises.

2. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying all the wrong remedies. -- Anonymous

3. These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. -- Groucho Marx

4. Politics is the art of getting money from the rich and getting votes from the poor, on the pretext of protecting one from the other. -- Anonymous

5. Politics is the science of seeing and forecasting what will happen in the future, and the ability to explain afterwards why they did not happen. -- Anonymous

6. Reproductive Health (RH) Bill debate:
Cong. Pacquiao: Kung nag-condom ang tatay ko, walang 8 division world champion ang Pilipinas ngayon.

Cong. Lagman: Kung nag-condom si Diosdado Macapagal, wala sanang Gloria at malalaking problema ang Pilipinas ngayon.

7. Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. An American, a Mexican and a Filipino. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

American contractor takes out a tape measure, does some measurement, works some figures with a pencil, and says: 'Well, I'll figure out the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

Mexican contractor did the same measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

Filipino contractor does not measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: '$2,700.'

White House official, incredulous says, 'What? You did not even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid?'

'Easy, the Filipino explains', '$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico (winks)

The next day the Filipino got the contract.

8. Q: What's the difference between the corruption in the US and corruption in the Philippines?
A: In the US they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to the US.

9. If a male judge makes sex, it's called Honorable Discharge.
If a Congressman makes sex, it's called Congressional Insertion.

10. Erap's Wisdom:
* Don't judge a book for you are not a Judge.
* Birds of the same feathers are the same birds.
* Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you mine.
* An apple a day is 7 apples a week.

11. Presidential mottos:
Marcos - Mabuhay ang Pilipino
Cory - Tayo ay Pilipino
Ramos - Taas noon, Pilipino
Erap - Mabuhay, Casino Filipino
Gloria - Hello Garcillano

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