I re-titled the exchange to include parental responsibility -- parents' responsibilities to their kids, to their spouses, to their friends. At the end of the day, when there is more personal and parental responsibility in running people's own lives, we need less government responsibility in building a more peaceful and less corrupt society.
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Exchanges on Women’s Issue
June 27-July 1, 2001
Consider this situation:
1. Mr. X is engaged to a 22-year old Filipina; he is 40.
Consider this situation:
1. Mr. X is engaged to a 22-year old Filipina; he is 40.
2. The parents and family of the Pinay, gave their blessings to Mr. X and their daughter, to get married, even if he is still married to his wife, the mother of their three children.
3. The parents of this Pinay, only had the youngest child as their "hope". Hope for what? Hope to get out of poverty? Pinays have a bad reputation in the US US US US
Personally, I am confused with the Filipino values. Why would you even give your blessings to your daughter to have a relationship with a married man, no matter what he says about his marital situation - that his wife left him for another man.
I do not understand why some women get involved with married men. Can't a woman let a married man figure out how to get out of his mess first, before getting involved with him? Woman, get involved with a bachelor not with a married man, no matter what he says about his marital situation. If he can not show you any proof of the dissolution of marriage, don't get involved. I had seen women trapped in this situation. Forever na lang silang querida. Eventually, the guy moves on to the next conquest.
I thought before, being a single mom is better than being single and not a mom at all. I have met a lot of single women, and they are enjoying their lives. I got to know one, who died a single woman. She had a full life.
Hay naku, ang sama na nga ng tingin sa mga Pinay sa US eh, (with regards to the issue of "mang-aagaw ng asawa ng may asawa") pinasasama pa ng mga tulad nitong "innocent barrio lass" like this 22-year old Pinay from Palawan.
-Jojo delos Reyes-MacAllister
Dear Jojo, et al,
About this "stupidity" of some of our female folks. I charge it to the conditioning, sort of brainwashing by parents or elders on their children. They load their children with guilt feelings and "utang na loob" admonitions for all the formers' "sacrifices" to the latter.
Such parents see their children as investments for their old age and for sharing the burden of taking care of the younger siblings. Each child is not considered as a distinct human being with certain inalienable rights at that, more so than adults. This is sheer cruelty because the tender mind of the child since the early days are defenseless against such onslaught.
-Roy Picart
This is also the dysfunctional aspect of the much lionized "Filipino Family" and "family values". Because of poverty, too much hype about the benefits of overseas work, and Disneyland/Hollywood culture, parents sometimes end up as pimps of their children.
This is where encouraging the next generation of Pinoys and Pinays to develop as individuals becomes crucial. It would be to their benefit (as well as the nation's) to encourage them to strike out on their own and cut the umbilical cord to their families of origin.
-Dino Subingsubing
Jojo, I agree with your sentiments. Here in NZ, especially where I live where there are very few immigrant Pinoy families, about 90% of the Filipinas here are married to Kiwis, and yes, most of them are "expected" to regularly send money and other stuff for relatives in the Phils. I even know of one who paid for her sister to come here and when her sister's visitor visa was about to expire, the older sister "forced" the younger to "find a Kiwi" and get married so she can stay here. The older sister said that she's already spent heaps on their relatives in the Phils. it's now her younger sister's turn to do so.
-Arlene G. Ozanne
Jojo: "I do not understand why some women get involved with married men."
The reverse side of this statement is, "I don't understand why married men are unfaithful to their wives and in the process, are cruel to their children".
I know of a batch from a girl's school which statistic is as follows: Only 3 of the 23 who are married still believe that their husbands have been faithful to them. The 20 are (a) either separated (legally or physically) or (b) still living with and are giving their husbands a second (maybe, nth) chance because (b.1.) they still love their husbands; or (b.2.) of the proverbial "for the sake of the children" reasoning. I do not know if this is a representative batch.
Jojo, you and I know that women do seek the ideal scenario - get involved with the right guy at the right time for the right reason. (Many of my friends say that it is rare to have all three, so pick any two na lang daw. Huwag na lang kaya.) The situation you described involves the worst possible combination: the wrong guy (married); the wrong time (young barrio lass with no experience or knowledge with the ways of the world); and the wrong reason (plain economics). This is recipe for trouble for the poor woman. But it takes two to tango and the exploitative married man should be hanged, too.
It hurts to think about this but it happens everyday. What can we do?
-Gina L
Personally, I am confused with the Filipino values. Why would you even give your blessings to your daughter to have a relationship with a married man, no matter what he says about his marital situation - that his wife left him for another man.
I do not understand why some women get involved with married men. Can't a woman let a married man figure out how to get out of his mess first, before getting involved with him? Woman, get involved with a bachelor not with a married man, no matter what he says about his marital situation. If he can not show you any proof of the dissolution of marriage, don't get involved. I had seen women trapped in this situation. Forever na lang silang querida. Eventually, the guy moves on to the next conquest.
I thought before, being a single mom is better than being single and not a mom at all. I have met a lot of single women, and they are enjoying their lives. I got to know one, who died a single woman. She had a full life.
Hay naku, ang sama na nga ng tingin sa mga Pinay sa US eh, (with regards to the issue of "mang-aagaw ng asawa ng may asawa") pinasasama pa ng mga tulad nitong "innocent barrio lass" like this 22-year old Pinay from Palawan.
-Jojo delos Reyes-MacAllister
Dear Jojo, et al,
About this "stupidity" of some of our female folks. I charge it to the conditioning, sort of brainwashing by parents or elders on their children. They load their children with guilt feelings and "utang na loob" admonitions for all the formers' "sacrifices" to the latter.
Such parents see their children as investments for their old age and for sharing the burden of taking care of the younger siblings. Each child is not considered as a distinct human being with certain inalienable rights at that, more so than adults. This is sheer cruelty because the tender mind of the child since the early days are defenseless against such onslaught.
-Roy Picart
This is also the dysfunctional aspect of the much lionized "Filipino Family" and "family values". Because of poverty, too much hype about the benefits of overseas work, and Disneyland/Hollywood culture, parents sometimes end up as pimps of their children.
This is where encouraging the next generation of Pinoys and Pinays to develop as individuals becomes crucial. It would be to their benefit (as well as the nation's) to encourage them to strike out on their own and cut the umbilical cord to their families of origin.
-Dino Subingsubing
Jojo, I agree with your sentiments. Here in NZ, especially where I live where there are very few immigrant Pinoy families, about 90% of the Filipinas here are married to Kiwis, and yes, most of them are "expected" to regularly send money and other stuff for relatives in the Phils. I even know of one who paid for her sister to come here and when her sister's visitor visa was about to expire, the older sister "forced" the younger to "find a Kiwi" and get married so she can stay here. The older sister said that she's already spent heaps on their relatives in the Phils. it's now her younger sister's turn to do so.
-Arlene G. Ozanne
Jojo: "I do not understand why some women get involved with married men."
The reverse side of this statement is, "I don't understand why married men are unfaithful to their wives and in the process, are cruel to their children".
I know of a batch from a girl's school which statistic is as follows: Only 3 of the 23 who are married still believe that their husbands have been faithful to them. The 20 are (a) either separated (legally or physically) or (b) still living with and are giving their husbands a second (maybe, nth) chance because (b.1.) they still love their husbands; or (b.2.) of the proverbial "for the sake of the children" reasoning. I do not know if this is a representative batch.
Jojo, you and I know that women do seek the ideal scenario - get involved with the right guy at the right time for the right reason. (Many of my friends say that it is rare to have all three, so pick any two na lang daw. Huwag na lang kaya.) The situation you described involves the worst possible combination: the wrong guy (married); the wrong time (young barrio lass with no experience or knowledge with the ways of the world); and the wrong reason (plain economics). This is recipe for trouble for the poor woman. But it takes two to tango and the exploitative married man should be hanged, too.
It hurts to think about this but it happens everyday. What can we do?
-Gina L
